THE TEN OFFICIAL & VERY SIMPLE KINETIC SCULPTURE DERBY RULES
#1 Vessels must be human-powered! No pulling, pushing, paddling, or other propulsive method is allowed except by Official Captain and Crew. Stored energy is allowed for non-propulsive purposes only. It is legal to get assistance from the natural power of water, wind, sun, and gravity and friendly extraterrestrials.
#1.1 LIFE, LIBERTY, AND THE PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS RULE
All Participants in the derby must accept and sign the waiver of all responsibility (Waiver Of All Responsibility Form). For those under 18 a parent or legal guardian must sign the form and have it notorized.
#1.2 SIZE MATTERS RULE
Each Vessel must be no more than 6 feet wide, 7 feet high and 35 feet long and must be able to make a 90 degree turn on a two lane road as well as navigate a roundabout.
#1.3 SECURITY BLANKET RULE
Each Vessel must carry at all times 1 comforting item of psychological luxury heretofore referred to as the “Homemade Sock Creature” (HSC). Homemade Sock Creature must be made in a home, from a not-too-recently-worn sock from the home, and resemble a creature homemade from a sock.
Alternatively participants may bring one teddy per person and extra points will be awarded if said teddy left with the judges to be donated to for less fortunate. (penalty: 1 hour)
#2B OR NOT TO BE
You may not start the derby until you have passed THE Official Safety Inspection! Inspections will be handled by the Kinetic Kops, and/or the Kinetic Safety Check Committee, all of whom are tough cookies. Inspections will also be conducted as needed along the derby course. The following safety equipment must be on board at all times. Citations will be issued for lost equipment! (penalty: 1 hour)
• Approved warning triangle, 12”x12”
• Operable and functioning brakes
• Affixed tow ring, attached firmly to the front of the Vessel close to the center, strong enough to heave the entire vessel through and out of the mud, sand, and/or other terrain (sorry no water obstacle this year)
• Drinking water (1 quart per captain)
• First Aid Kit containing band-aids and antibacterial cream or wipes
• A cell phone ready to receive urgent derby-related calls—for which the number must be given to the derby director
• Each Captain must have available an approved bicycle helmet on the Vessel. At your own risk, you may wear other protective headgear including hard hats or batters’ helmets during the derby.
#2 +or- TWO’S COMPANY RULE
Each Vessel must have 1 or more Captains. Each Captain must have 1 human Crew member, which may ride in the Vessel or behind it. In the case that they ride behind their attire must match the vessel’s theme.
#2.2 I FOUGHT THE LAW AND THE LAW WON LAW OF NATURE
All Law Enforcement orders must be followed in cases of hazardous conditions. (penalty: Banishment)
#2.2.1 BECAUSE I SAID SO
Derby Officials have the final word in all decisions relating to the derby. The applies particularly, but not limited too, any last minute changes relating to the course, timing, etc. necessary to keep everyone safe and festive. (penalty: Banishment)
#2.3 PACK MULE RULE
All special terrain equipment must be on board the Vessel at all times. (penalty: 2 hours)
#2.4 SELF-EXPLANATORY EXPLANATION REGULATION
Your Vessel must not be dangerous or harmful to yourself or anything else in the world. Projectiles such as arrows, anchors, and grappling hooks fall into this category and are not allowed.
#2.5 SAFETY OF OTHERS RULE
No Vessel may carry on board any potentially dangerous items without receiving permission from the Derby Director before the derby begins. Your vessel will be traveling through crowds of fans, who must not be harmed.ﾠ (The best ways to locate the Derby Director to discuss these matters at volunteer meetings, or via telephone or email.)
#2.6 MOM’S HIGH ANXIETY RULE
Make sure you can get out of your Vessel in an emergency. Each Captain must have a quick exit path. In addition, life jackets must be worn while on the water (next year)!
#2.7 NO OUTSIDE FORCE TO START REGULATION
The Kinetic Derby begins with the shear will power of the Captain and Crew. So no Flintstone style vehicles, use of rollerblades, etc. This means no pushing, pulling, or assistance from outside forces, unless you are a Jedi then by all means “use the force”.
#2.7.1 EXCEPTION TO NO OUTSIDE FORCE REGULATION
If stuck at an obstacle a judge or volunteer may direct you to push through including by touching the ground. Outside of this direction the only time it is acceptable to push or pull your vessel is laterally at the direction of The LAW.
#3D DRAFT HOGGER REGULATION
No drafting off of the vessel in front of you, its just not safe. If you do catch them and need to pass, announce yourself with your bell followed by a yelp to confirm that they know you are passing to the left of them. It is also expected that you thank the vessel you are passing for steering to clear the way for you. (penalty: 1 hour)
#4 YOU SHOULD HAVE READ THE MAP RULE
All vessels must stay on the course at all times.
#5 MOTHER’S BIG : LITTLE RATIO
At least one adult Captain (over the age of 18 and having signed a Waiver of All Responsibility<) must be on board Vessel at all times while traveling the course. (penalty: Banishment)
#6 ARMAND’S ARM AND LEG LAW
To become an ADMIRAL and receive the title of Most Innovative Professor and other accolades, your vessel must be ridden by all Captains at all times over the entire course. Therefore, at no time can your vessel be pushed, pulled, or otherwise propelled along the course by Captains and/or Crew except in any designated areas. Your Vessel may be moved sideways or backwards, either by Captains or Crew or both to areas to perform repairs or to gain better course conditions or to clear the course. In addition, no gadgets, such as skis, snowshoes, boards, etc. attached to your feet will be considered part of the vessel. (penalty: 3 hours)
#7.007 REAL THING/RIGHT STUFF RULE
For the captain on a vessel to receive ADMIRAL status, no relief captain will be allowed under any circumstances during timed competition. Captains must stay with their Vessel and are not allowed to ride on Crew vehicle while vessel is progressing the course. In other words, you may not rotate captains during the derby. (penalty: loss of ADMIRAL status and 1-hour penalty)
#7.5 THE AGONY OF DE FEAT LAW: THE NO TOWING RULE
Vessel must negotiate the course without assistance from any motorized vehicle. Receiving a tow suggests engineering improvements are required. Back to the old drawing board, and better luck next year!
#8 THE DRUNK, DRANK, OR STILL DRINKING RULE
The consumption of alcoholic beverages or use of controlled substances by any Captain or Crew member while on the course shall result in Banishment. It’s not nice, and besides it’s unsightly in the eyes of spectators who look up to Kinetic Sculpture People with awe and wonderment, and it’s against the law pertaining to all road negotiating vehicles and vessels. Vessels in violation of this rule will be confiscated by strict Derby Officials. The same is true for any Derby carrying any alcoholic beverage container, whether full or empty, excepting empty containers picked up as litter. (penalty: Banishment)
#8 ALWAYS TRUE RULE AND ITS COROLLARY FOR THOSE WHO DON’T GET IT
In the event of sun, the derby will run anyway. In the event of rain, the derby will run anyway.
#9 Any entry with a logo or business name will be required to pay an additional entry fee- unless they are a small non-profit that is pre-approved.
#9.1 Sponsorship and logo fees will not affect judging. It’s all about art, pageantry, and mechanics.
#9.2 If you want to guarantee your name on an award, then you should really contact us about sponsoring all of the prizes. ;)
#10 MANDATORY FUN REGULATION!
All Captains, Crew members, Shipwrecks, Officials, Spectators, Police, Timers, and Passersby must put great effort into HAVING FUN! for it is such craziness as this that keeps us all sane.
SPECIAL RULES, REGULATIONS, AWARDS SHIPWRECK BONUS
For optional collection of additional valuable advantages (usually a time bonus) non-powering humans (*Ages 12-100; with a minimum weight per SHIPWRECK of 80 pounds) can be carried aboard on a specially designed “seat” and may essentially be a “passenger” throughout the entire course. SHIPWRECK may not be substituted and must sign the entry and waiver form. SHIPWRECKs may not in any way assist in the movement or propulsion of the vessel and must stay seated while “clocked in” on the course. The SHIPWRECK(s) may direct and encourage the captain(s) by yelling and being an annoying backseat nudge, but must refrain from using really bad, ugly words. * SHIPWRECK UNDER 18 REQUIRES A NOTARIZED WAIVER.
THE INEVITABLE EVENTUALITY RULE
In the event the Official Derby Course must be altered while the Derby is in progress, Diverted Vessels will receive an appropriate time adjustment (positive or negative) by a Derby Official. If the detour is essentially the same as the closed route, then let’s forget the whole thing! In the event of a course change, course closures, or difficult timing problems, etc., Captain(s) & Crew must obey all alternative rules, timing, and course changes set into motion by Derby Officials.